deep cry

another journey.
this is my book- my life.
i had a very very very very.... long cry yesterday.
it just burst out of me.
the tears just flow like waterfall.
it's happened in my room.
all the while i've been thinking.
all the while i've been guessing.
all the while i've been hoping.
but the truth is not what's in my mind and heart.
this is another mistake.
this is another wrong.
this is not right.
i make another mistake.
a mistake that i told myself i wont do it again.
its hard to be me.
this is me.
although i changed, but there's something i cant change.
its in me.
its always in me.
whenever comes to the four letter word, im always fragile.
not only that, it turn me into a dumb ass.
stupid, stupid stupid and stupid.
some says is true, love makes you stupid. love makes you do stupid things.
thats is right in me. very very right in me.
i cant handle it.
i cant think about it right or wrong.
i cant analyze it.
i cant see the truth behind it.
i cant feel whats wrong about it.
because the 4 letter word just conquer me, whole me.
by the time i realize it, its too late to hold my feelings.
and just like a very sharp knife, cut through a chunk of meat.
that chunk of meat, is my heart.
its so pain.
my heart cry, cry and cry...
it always happen to me.
i couldnt help it.
i couldnt help myself.
this is one thing that i thought i never want to do.
but i just did and everything just happen.
my heart still crying while writting this..
and i still want to cry out.
because tears is part of my emotion.
i couldnt voice it out.
so i let my tears flow it out..
im human... forgive me if you think a man shouldnt cry.
all i gave to you... i never ask for any return.
i hope all things that i gave will make you the happiest and luckiest person in the world.
but when it happen, it just make me the opposite way, eventually...
i dont know why, but it happen to me all the time.
btw.... if im not mistaken... the first tear drop is from my left eye.