wall

another journey.
this is my book- my life.
i never thought and expected same thing happen to me again.
okay, probably i expect a little bit, but not that worst.
when i close the door, it feels like i wana take anything, anything that can just stab my heart and feel the bloody pain than emotionally pain.
i thought i never gonna have this feeling again.
i thought i am feeling less
i thought i can finally be what i wanted to be.
but why????
why is this thing inside my chest giving me hard time?
it's like hell. it's like desert. it's like fire burning. it's like acid.
why there's thing called heart?
why there's thing called emotion?
why there's thing called feeling?
c'mon! can someone help me with this?
i dont wana take this anymore...
it's hard. u'll never understand.
im not crying. and i wont cry.
this is what all paid off. well done , myself... well done.
this is not first time. but i dont want this to be 'another time again'.
and it happened.
it just happened.
great. bloody great....
...im there for you.
i do what i want, i should, i could, i would, i will and whatever it takes.
just to take away your burden, your pain, your misery, your tears and your cry.
because i want to, i want all that to you.
i couldn't handle when your tears drop.
feels like flood in my heart.
i dont wish to see you down.
feels like end of the world.
i dont want to hear you cry.
feels like thunderstorm.
i want to see the color in you.
i want to hear the music in you.
i want to feel the warm in you.
i want to smell the cheerfully breathe from you.
i want to sense the optimistic energy from you.
dont you know?
cant you feel?
dont you see?
cant you hear?
if im not worth a concern from you, then let it be.
if im not anything in you, then let it be.
if im not anyone for you, then let it be.
i never was here. i never was myself.
because you might just the same as others.
but i wish you're not.. deeply and truly...