new me

another journey.
this is my book- my life.
i felt different. i felt unusual. i felt abnormal, but this going to be normal for me.
i used to see beauty in everything, and it's the same till present, and forever.
because no one teach me what is beauty. but i discover myself.
still, no one could see that in me.
my heart used to feel pain, period. all the pains that remind me of what i've been through.
i'm so glad today that i realize, less and lesser pain in me.
unfortunately, other feelings follow the same.
i dont feel love, i dont feel happy, i dont feel joy, i dont feel afraid, i dont feel fear, i dont feel curious.
i'm not sure this is good or bad.
but i always wanted to be this way.
the best is, i want to be totally feeling-less.
my heart fill with emotions and feelings, used to be.
anything that i see, start with a tiny spark of feeling, and the feeling will grow more and more.
sometimes, the feeling changes. it could be from happy to sad. or sad to happy.
all that, is not happening to me anymore, soon.
i dont feel a thing today. but i know, there's so much of beautiful surrounding me.
i should be happy and feel joy. but i don't.
im guessing, this is the level where my heart died.
and i'm just like a walking empty bottle.
probably this is good for me, at least for now.
nice to meet you, the new me.